When family doesn't get it

Well, you can't convince everyone. Not that I'd want to. Not my job.

However.

I do want at least my family to understand or at the very minimal respect what I am trying to do. Sigh. Doesn't always work that way, I know, and I am mostly resigned to the fact that I walk my own path and that's ok.

Anyway, my mom is... special. She thinks what she wants, no use trying to change the gal, she does her own thing anyway.

Everyone who knows me knows I am vegetarian and sugar free. That's a fact. Do I sometimes bend the rules? Yes. It's rare, but I do it. (Not with vegetarianism, but who can say no to mom's christmas cheesecake? That would be ludicrous). For the most part, though, it's known that I do not want dessert and it's best not to offer it to me- if you love me why would you want to torture me?

Now, if you've been with me since easter of last year, you know that I kicked sugar by ODing via Cadbury, the lovely Cadbury easter madness. Oh yes. Mini eggs, my own special weakness.

And she knows that.

As I said, my mom is special. One of the most giving, generous and kind souls on the planet. Also one of the most strangely vindictive- extremely subtle, but she's somewhat of a cat with a mouse. When you do (or are) something she doesn't quite approve of, she'll blithely ignore it and form you to her own special reality. I've adapted gracefully to it and know when to pick my battles.

I know, I know- you're dying to hear: what the hell did she do?

So she tells me she sent a package in the mail, and was quite excited about it. Besides herself. Well, it was going to arrive on Thursday, approximately. I was on call at the hospital on Thursday- left at 6 am, and arrived home at 6 pm the next day. That's life. Oh, and arrived home in a blizzard- yes, crazy snow... Anyway, she called and said:
"Did you get your present?"
"Oh! No- I haven't been to the box today, it's snowing like mad out."
"Well, go get it! I think it will help you, you've been so tired and stressed. Go get it."
"Mom! There's a blizzard outside!"
"What? Go get your mail! You grew up here, you shouldn't be afraid of a little snow. Go on. It will cheer you up."

Fine.
So I went.

What did I get?

Yep. Mini eggs, a new variety with 'royal dark chocolate.' Wow. Yeah- they looked good, in the sexy dark purple wrapper...
And a card. A card with a lovely photo of a beef cow noshing a corn cob. The text at the bottom said:
"Corned beef in the early stages."

Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

Ok- so how do you get back on the phone to a person who is sitting excited on her couch states away, breathlessly waiting for you to call back? I mean- she knows I'm vegetarian. She knows I don't eat sugar. I think she's trying to torture me. She's kinda sick like that. It's a test of my grace, and I can't yell at her- because she may genuinely believe she is being really kind and funny. Wow.

So- I call her and in our usual way I tell her she's sick and needs help (about the card) but tell her that although the candy is so thoughtful, I'm not eating sugar. I don't want to crush her. I tell her I'll try them (she was really excited about the new flavor) and that I am going to cheer up everyone else at the hospital, let her think she's spreading the love around.
Man 0h man, family takes patience sometimes. Whew.